But I remember what I said in anger: "Matt, if you do that again I will cut off your fingers!!!". Then within microseconds of the words coming out, I realized a couple of things; One, it was a hollow threat because I would never do that and; two, he will realize I didn't mean it. But I said quickly "I am sorry I said that. I would never hurt you. I just got mad."
The words were out before the brain really engaged. A frontal lobe failure. And not just some brain, but MY brain. And he was a young child. Maybe he didn't know that I wouldn't hurt him.
I know probably most parents say things in anger to each other or their kids that they don't really mean, and mostly the things we say get forgiven. But obviously not all of them get forgotten.
The lesson in this? Try to be very careful what you say. Because even if you follow up something nasty with "I'm sorry", the words may cut too deep to be excised.
And I am truly sorry.
Please, just be careful.
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1 comment:
Until you posted this, I didn't remember that you'd said that. Actually, I still don't remember you saying that, but if you say so, I'll buy it.
I *do* remember separating the stamps, but really only because I remember how the old desk you stored them in smelled like pipe tobacco and dust. I remember the day that I broke the punch bowl, and I remember one of us (I don't remember which, you or I) cutting our fingers on the broken shards -- I remember that red blood, and the earthy smell of the basement/garage/crawlspace, and all the boxes that were around us -- but what I really remember is the still life painting by my grandmother in which that punch bowl appears (the one with the bowl, and the fruit, and the clock), and you telling me how you ate the bananas in that picture, and me thinking about how I broke the bowl in that picture, and ever since then feeling a deep generational connection to that painting. Which is weird, when I think about it, but not all that weird. Memory is a funny thing.
Which, basically, comes down to: don't worry about it.
The kids are alright.
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