Thursday, April 28, 2011

Your banana look like this?


What does it take to embarrass a conservative Republican? Nobody seems to know because the defining moment hasn’t yet been reached. The stupid ‘birthers’ have finally had it stuck in their eye (barring, of course, the stupid subset that will claim the newly released Obama certificate is a fake), and the next item being ‘Trumped Up’ is a series of vague questions and innuendos about Obama’s college transcripts. And the rabid panting birthers are lining up in the amen pew. I shudder to think that these citizens (I wonder if all of them could actually produce a long-form birth certificate or would they rely on the old family bible?) actually vote and control who runs the country.

I propose the next issue will be the loudly whispered and oft repeated rumor that Obama isn’t really a Christian (the best, you know) but is actually a Moslem. Hussein? And, there is an easy way to prove it: Mr. President, show us your dick. Yup, if it’s circumcised he is, and if it isn’t he isn’t. Unless he had a foreskin transplant to try to cover up the earlier surgery. With that possibility the former birthers, now called the ‘skinners’ will want an expert to examine said organ for evidence of tampering. Remember those clinics in Hong Kong where a woman can get her hymen reconstructed? Remember those clinics in Australia that add length and thickness to the male member by fat transplantation? Well my chickies, there is probably a clinic somewhere in Indonesia (WAIT!! OMG. He visited there lately!!!) where a foreskin can be reconstructed.

You think this is farfetched? Get real. Anybody that believes in Noah’s ark can be talked into anything.

Image: www.vidaefectiva.com.ve

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Final Tale of Firenze

This month, that's correct, THIS MONTH I noticed a 35 euro charge on my credit card from Hertz (Italy). What the hell? I immediately thought “Ahh. Credit card rip-off”. After a fairly quick inquiry the charge turns out to be correct.
Firenze, AKA Florence, is a wonderful (was) town to visit. Massive numbers of great things to see, including the original and copy of David, art museums, architecture out the wazoo and more. But it is a bitch to navigate in a car. They not only have the usual bewildering maze of Italian one-way streets, but they have added a twist: some streets CHANGE the direction of one-way depending on the time of day, and those changes are for the most part not posted. Cabbies know them; residents know them; tourists do not know them.
Our total driving in Firenze was to enter the city according to the Hotel-provided directions, get screwed up in a maze of one way streets, and then find the hotel. They took the car and we never saw it again until we left several days later. They asked the route we took getting to the hotel and said “Good. That was correct”.
The credit card charge: Thirty-five euros charged by Hertz to give my mailing address and id information to the Firenze Police for a summons for driving the wrong way on one of their shitty streets. Yes, the date coincides with our arrival, and the time is about when we were lost. I still haven’t heard from the Police, so I have no idea what the actual fine may be. And, being me, I will pay it. But it will cost Firenze dearly: We will NEVER go back there; no hotels, no restaurants, no snacks, and no admissions to museums, churches or any other damn thing.
And I recommend to all of you the same: STAY OUT OF FIRENZ. That is why this is the Final Tale of Firenze.
Image: http://mydinnerswithrichard.blogspot.com/2010/06/five-guys-me-florence-italy.html