Sorry, friend.

Something about a conversation I had with a friend bothered me. But what was it?
Friday I heard Terry Gross in a 1985 interview with James Farmer, Jr. Farmer was a civil rights activist and one of the Freedom Riders who along with many others finally broke the back of Jim Crow in the south. In the interview he described the intentional non-violent actions he and others did to get arrested in order to bring the media in. He described the white jail guards, some not so ugly and others more so verbally abusing them with “Boy” this and “Boy” that, and of course the “N” word.
It hit me. This friend is a 30+ year master sergeant with an armload of gold stripes for service. I had asked someone what the stripes meant and was told they signified time in service and the color signified behavior in a way. Gold meant that the wearer had never been in trouble.
The next time I saw my friend I said “Now I know what all that gold is for, and I know you have been a good boy, too.” My black friend said “I’ll take that from you” and then explained the stripes and the differences between the Army and Marines in this regard.

“I’ll take that from you.” And when I heard James Farmer I got it. “Boy”. In a thousand years I would never intentionally insult a black man by calling him “Boy”. I know what it means. I know the history. I hate it. I did not mean it as a racial slur. How do you apologize for an unintentional remark that hurts someone? My way is to write it down and share it, and ask for forgiveness. I’m sorry Master Sergeant . No offense meant.

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