Whole Foods Theory of Weight Loss

See that cup? Yup, Whole Foods.

I was sitting in our local Whole Foods this morning enjoying a nice fare trade coffee and an organic gingerbread muffin when I had an epiphany.  America is suffering from a massive obesity problem. People are way fatter than they ever were. Babies are fatter. Kids are fatter. Teens are fatter. Adults are fatter.  Hell, even I am fatter than I once was.
So I was sitting there sipping my organic and fare trade coffee and eating my muffin and people watching. The guy two tables down, for example. Eating a big salad at 9AM. Ok, not all that weird. But this guy was using BOTH HANDS, eating like a crab. Two forks. Not a slob (although he did chew with his mouth open) but steady eating. And the people going in and out with coffee or small bags with pastries or the people just shopping and checking out. And you know what? They were ALL FIT AND TRIM. Not a single fatty in place (well, the checkout woman was, er, matronly). Pony tails swinging, beards bearding, sandals and running shoes walking. 
And then the EPIPHANY!! Shopping at Whole Foods, or even just sitting there and enjoying coffee and pastry was the perfect way to lose weight. No troublesome diets, no exercise. Just enter Whole Foods and BOOM! off goes the weight. 
I left after about 30 minutes and my pants almost slipped off. Bet you might see me there most mornings I am in town. Just drinking, eating and losing pounds and inches. 

Image: http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/dam/assets/130811113322-100lb-loss-people-magazine-story-body.jpg

Recycled Toilet Paper

   
Yes, Whole Foods again. But a different experience. To recap: this morning I sat for a while with a cup of coffee and a muffin, just chill'en.  In the course of my epiphany I felt the need to use the facilities. You know, the "rest room" although the last thing I needed was a rest. Whilst contemplating the very clean surroundings, I noticed a small sign on the toilet paper dispenser. "100% Recycled Toilet Paper" or something very nearly that. 
OMG I thought. That must be the nastiest job in the world. How could you get anybody to recycle toilet paper? And where is this nasty job (no pun intended) done? I always thought the paper goes away when flushed, you know, dissolves. So what? Do they reclaim the fibers from the treatment plant? And then it hit me. This paper all comes from OUTHOUSES and THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES!!! God Almighty what a nasty occupation. 
"Mom, I want you to meet my boyfriend. He is a recycling expert for paper products used in cleanup."
The next thing you hear is a loud shot followed by a teenager crying "DAD, you shot him!!!" "Yeah, well, he tried to shake hands. Did you see how brown his hands are?"
Just when you think you've seen it all, you haven't. 

(in case you don't recognize it, this is humor, not serious shit)

Image: http://lowres.jantoo.com/ecology-confusion-mixed_up-mix_up-misinformed-recycling-11800771_low.jpg

Fire and Ice: Paradise lost?

I finally got the "best" of "America" (1) CD, after years of wanting and forgetting, and yesterday listened to all 22 tracks. Some old favorites and some new ones. "The Border" initially caught my attention because some of the lines and rhythms reminded me of the sound track from "LadyHawke".(2) Good tune on it's own though. One immediately got me listening carefully: "Paradise".
This song was written in 2001,

      Paradise
      Caught between the fire and the ice
      No need to think twice
      Its where I want to be

Here is my take: the fire is the sun, and the ice is deep space. The Earth is positioned perfectly between these monster extremes, allowing Paradise to exist. Perfect balance between too hot and too cold. Perfect. Paradise. And this is EXACTLY where I want to be.
Problem: They paved Paradise and put up a parking lot.(3)
I won't go into the litany of human caused problems. You know them by now. But folks, I gotta tell you, we are about to lose Paradise. At the very least a different Paradise will take the place of the one I know and love. Might be better, might not. Personally, I would rather not trade this one in for a new model. But I am pretty sure that is what we have accomplished as a species.
I don’t know if Beckley and Bunnell had this in mind when they wrote it, or if  "America" had this in mind when they recorded it. But that is what those lyrics mean to me. At least, one of the meanings.
Think about it.
Image: http://reality.usc.edu/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/ice-and-fire1.jpg

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Complete_Greatest_Hits_%28America_album%29

2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ladyhawke

3. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Yellow_Taxi

I just saw a Daily Show sketch of an atheist who is upset because a restaurant is giving a discount to patrons who pray before meals. They give the same discount for meditating for a brief moment, saying thank you to the chef/cook and other non-religious acts of kindness. This guy is pissed because  - - - - why? Can’t figure that one out. He can get the discount any number of ways. He is being an asshole here.

I ran into a secular humanist decades ago who was equally militant and an asshole as well. He would DEMAND that no one say grace over a meal or pray in any venue at all. He would assert loudly that any such activity offended him and should stop at once. I gave up on secular humanists not long after that encounter.

What is it with these people? I get that the imposition of religious activity in a State setting is a violation of the settled law of separation of church and state. But that doesn’t hold in private settings. I have held hands around a table while a prayer was offered. Sang carols in the street in Italy. Attended Seders, in fact led a couple, helped to baptize my god son (and was told by the Priest that I was also “born again”) and had no second thoughts. Others religious practices do not offend me when I chose to be part of them, or when they are private affairs. I do draw the line at publicly supported religion.

So anyway, these guys are just as obnoxious as the preachers who rail against all kinds of perceived “sin” according to their narrow view of their bible. And they credit Jesus or Allah or Muhammad for the source. They are all assholes. All shapes, colors, sizes, religions, sexes, persuasions,  and any other modifier you can think of. All assholes.

We should all hold hands and be thankful for our lives, friends and the good of the world. We should hold hands and pledge to fight intolerance and bigotry. We should all hold hands and just marvel at the companionship we feel in special gatherings.

After all, that is exactly WJWD. And he seems to be the yardstick we use to measure these things.

Image: http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/group-people-holding-hands-around-globe-27405660.jpg

Really Woody? Fellow Citizens Might be Ignorant, Stupid or Lazy? Really?

Acid rain damage in Appalachia

I am just about over the pitiful showing for Democrats in the election, and congratulate the Republicans for getting out their base to vote. They didn't not win alone however. The Democrats gave them the Kewpie doll. What defeats me is the poor and lower middle class workers, women, minorities and gays who vote Republican. Anybody should be able to read the history of the last 35 years and know the GOP is not a party for the people, but for big business and wealthy people.

But let’s move on. So what next? Damned if I know. The GOP has been beating the drums against Obama so they will now have “shit or get off the pot”. In other words, govern. Time will tell.

I heard one GOP discussion that centered on getting rid of all kinds of regulations so that American Industry could innovate, grow and thrive. We shouldn't worry, they said. The industries would be good stewards of land, air and water without regulations. Trust them to do the right thing. Hmmmmmmm.

I was there when Lake Erie was declared a dead lake. Some of the other Great Lakes were so polluted that you couldn't' touch the water. The mist from Niagara Falls was dangerous to breathe. I was there when the Chesapeake Bay collapsed from over fishing and pollution from farm runoff and sewage. I was there when the Potomac River was declared unsafe to touch, and the air downwind of any fountain in the river unsafe to breathe. Pollution.

I was there when the Everglades suffered massive drying out from water diversion for Big Sugar, and for Orlando. I was there when whole forests were clear cut and left to erode, and the timber sold overseas. I was there when the Salmon industry on the west coast collapsed from over fishing, pollution and dam building. I was there when the forests of the Appalachians, New York and New England were dying from acid rain from uncontrolled coal burning. I was there when the air in many major cities was too

poisonous to breath safely due to exhaust and industrial pollution. I was there when the Cuyahoga river caught fire from the industrial waste floating on it.

So don’t tell me American Industry would be good stewards without regulations. And if you think so, you are ignorant, stupid or lazy. Really Woody? You calling fellow citizens those names? Yup.

Image: https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRfNgPtjd1__5P79GKGPCSaHNEGiwGabjx0HPvGpPUdxgP9W8q9

Hiker’s tale

A hiker was ambling along a woodsy trail when he saw another hiker approaching. As usual, the first hiker moved to the side to let the second hiker pass, and they exchanged a “hi”. They paused and commented on the beautiful fall colors, and when the first hiker turned to continue, the second asked him if he was “saved” and if he had accepted “Jesus” as his personal savior. This really took the first hiker by surprise. He answered that he wasn't a Christian, but that he knew well the teachings and life of Jesus, and tried his best to live a good life. The second hiker told him that he was a sinner and unless he changed his ways and accepted Jesus as his personal savior, he would burn in hell for all eternity. The first hiker then told the second that although he had done some bad things in his youth, and still struggled with some judgmental issues, he had changed and strived to do good. In fact, he said, he was actually trying to live up to the ideals ascribed to Jesus, but didn't live his life with the “WWJD” test for every decision. The second hiker loudly told him that he was pursuing hubris instead of humility, and would certainly face eternity in hell. With that he turned and strode off.

The first hiker continued along the trail for a few miles and gradually the beautiful day erased the distaste of the conversation. As he was topping a long up-hill grade he turned a bend and saw another hiker sitting on a fallen log that had been chain sawed into a bench. They said “hi” and the seated hiker mentioned that the first looked tired from the long up-hill slog and told him he would be happy to share the bench. Without being asked again, the first took off his day pack and sat.

The seated hiker said “My name is long and from an ancient language, but my friends call me Jay”. The first hiker said “Nice to meet you Jay, my name is - - “ when Jay interrupted him quietly. “I know your name. I just wanted to tell you personally that the fellow you were talking to a couple of miles back was completely wrong. I apologize for overhearing the conversation. It seems to me that he is the one with the problem, and that you are headed in the right direction. My advice is to keep doing exactly what you are doing now and don’t be influenced by false prophets like that guy. He has a long way to go before he sees clearly, but you are there. Nice to meet you William. Keep up the good work.” And with that Jay stood and walked back down the trail, around the bend, and was gone.

 

William was amazed, and figured that Jay must have been just ahead of him on the trail and just within earshot. But the trail was pretty straight, and he saw no one ahead. He got up and continued on and as often happens when hiking, he reviewed the whole event in his mind. He decided that Jay was right, although how he didn't really understand, and silently said “Thank you Jay. Good advice. Let’s hope the other guy gets with the program.” Immediately, a voice came back and said “William, just remember that I will always be here for you if you need me. And you are on the right trail. And one final thing. It is I who thank you. For who you were, who you are, and who you will become.”

William paused on the trail and thought that it would take some time to figure out what that was all about, but he already suspected that he knew

who “Jay” was. And he wasn’t surprised.

Image: http://www.bouldercoloradohiking.com/wp-content/gallery/longcanyon/hiking-path-in-the-forest.jpg

Woody on Theocracy and Beliefs

I just answered a question from a friend on Facebook that related to my religious bents. I have often been critical of religious viewpoints when I find them to be intolerant of others views or incessantly intrusive. For example, I was in a restaurant in Thomasville many years ago when a man I didn’t know stopped at my table, put his hand on my shoulder, began speaking loudly in tongues and then declared me a sinner and invited me to his church. Needless to say I didn’t go and he was tossed out of the place. That kind of crap really annoys me. But honest people with honest beliefs deserve respect. They have a right to believe and practice their beliefs as they see fit. They do not have a right to impose their beliefs on others, however subtle that imposition might be. Prayer in school is a good example of religious coercion. Not everyone in every class is interested in praying, or in praying to a specific deity who they don’t follow. The perfect example is the Christian parent who went into a rage when a Muslim wanted to pray to Mecca on a prayer rug in a public school classroom. I wish I could find the reference but, alas, it eludes me. You get the point? Freedom OF religion also demands freedom FROM religion. Otherwise we have the basis for a Theocracy, and the Middle Ages, the Inquisition, Sharia law and other equally exclusive religion-based systems are prime examples, to become totally despotic and repressive.

Below is my answer to AW on Facebook:

“As you may know, years ago I was headed for a life as a priest, and was headed for a seminary education. I had a crisis of intellect I suppose you might call it and couldn't find a belief in God strong enough to carry me through. I have always been interested and attracted to the actual teachings of prophets, but could never find a believable "God" in the world. I went back and forth from agnostic to atheist and I am probably some of both. I think that people who unequivocally declare "God is REAL" without a shred of real proof are as wrong as those who declare "There is NO GOD", since proving the negative is also impossible. I appreciate those who believe deeply yet keep a perspective of tolerance and have no use for those who are intolerant of any viewpoint. I hold hands around tables where people are praying, get completely overwhelmed in cathedrals, and light candles for my mother, a lapsed catholic, because she would have wanted that. I love Jesus as much or more than many Christians I know, for his total commitment to human suffering and ordinary people. I do not worship him or any deity.”

Image:http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7641/646/1600/392048/theocracy%2520now(c)sm.png

Spry or Not Spry? That is the Question

Spry:

(especially of an old person) active; lively.

"he continued to look spry and active well into his eighties"

synonyms:

sprightly, lively, agile, nimble, energetic, active, full of energy, full of vim and vigor, vigorous, spirited, animated, vivacious, frisky, peppy "isn't Aunt Helen spry for her age?"

I was talking to a few fellow board members before the meeting when someone asked how Sally was getting on after back surgery. I told them she was completely recovered and weeding like mad. Then I said “but I am probably next”. One of the members said something like, “You? You are so spry.”

That word stopped me. Spry? Isn’t that a pejorative for “Old Fart”? So I looked it up, and sure enough, as the definition above indicates, old age is almost always associated with “spry”. But wait, the synonyms are really cool: agile, energetic, frisky etc. All complimentary adjectives. What is the problem Woody?

It’s this: spry is almost always followed by some variation of “for his (or her) age”. A qualifier. Sort of like “he is in good shape for the shape he is in.” Then I thought “get over it Woody. At your age you are lucky to be able to work, hike, cook, sleep, clean, love, drink wine and think.”

It comes down to this: acknowledging getting older isn’t always easy. You see the “upside down muscle” under your arms, or the man titties in the mirror and think “Who the Hell is That?” The good news is that you are standing in front of the mirror after a nice shower getting ready to go out for the evening. And really, who the hell cares about your minor aging deficits anyway? Nobody. Just the moron who lives in your head.

Thanks for reminding me that I am spry, K. Makes me want to go out and hike and cook and love and drink wine. Not necessarily in that order. (SMILE)

Image: https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/_L1aS0knEnvU/TXWnYoepnPI/AAAAAAAABXU/xEJAP8PSSgQ/s640/IMG_7192.jpg

Joni Mitchell and Unimproved Land

If we live long enough, we all get there.

We were driving along I-10  a few days ago when a friend in the car mentioned something about all the “unimproved” land, and what could be done with it. Too polite to start a discussion that would once again pit me against the main stream thinking, I hummed along. But decided to write a little thought about it. And herrrrrrrrres the thought!

Unimproved my ass. How’s that for a thought. Land gone back to forest and scrub after the longleaf association was destroyed for farming is the farthest from unimproved. What we were actually seeing, by the way, was mostly pine plantation (planted and farmed pine trees). So that particular land was mostly “improved” already.

My beef with the term “unimproved” lies in the incorrect thinking of many people that the land when left in a natural state is somehow less valuable than the so-called improvements that man brings with his occupation. Exactly the opposite is true: land left alone stabilizes the soil, harbors a biodiversity that is staggeringly complex, cleans the air, helps to stabilize the temperature and provides places for quiet reflection and recreation. Try fitting those things on a peanut farm or housing development.

Get over the idea that by using the land we “improve” it. We don’t. We destroy the natural abilities of land to function, and replace it with dysfunctional alternatives. Remember the song that Joni Mitchell wrote called “Big Yellow Taxi”? (1) These were part of the lyrics:

Don't it always seem to go 
That you don't know what you've got 
Till it's gone 
They paved paradise 
And put up a parking lot

They took all the trees 
Put 'em in a tree museum * 
And they charged the people 
A dollar and a half just to see 'em

That is what happens when people “improve” things natural. And folks, it isn’t pretty. And, we are not too far from those “tree museums” Joni sang of. So the next time you get a chance to express yourself on the issue of the rape and “improvement” of the environment, think before you say something really, really stupid.

Image: http://civilianglobal.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/TimesTalk_Joni_Mitchell_photo_davidleyes-0122.jpg

1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJIuP7zEVeM

Screwed? You did it to yourself.

Heh, heh. Get it? 

From an old friend of mine. A rant that has a whisper of desperation and a certain acceptance of what will come:

“I am so bummed out about the state of the world, humanity, the different continents, countries states or provinces, cities counties neighborhoods. I am so disappointed that religions, politics, political parties candidates are so inept that they cant steer us in the right direction, instead of being steered by a perception that will keep them in power or job. A country of the people by the people for the people. Hmm. Will it be here for my great grand children.? Do I need to stock up on greenbacks, gold and .223 or 7.6 mm's? a real true leader not a wannabee at every level. Where are the John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, Abe Lincolns,, Wilson, Roosevelt (2 times), Winston Churchill's of today??? Where have all the flowers gone??? Long time passing? Just saying!”

 And the answer is very clear. Yes, your children, grandchildren and great grandchildren are really, really screwed. In so many ways it is painful to enumerate but part of my answer to him was this: “----the grand kids are screwed. By the frozen assholes in Washington ignoring poverty, wage disparity, resource raping and of course climate change we have doomed our next few generations to wallow in some serious shit.”

 And more. The world has ignored warning after warning about population growth and water and land pollution. It has ignored the pleas of the “wacko hippie tree huggers” to conserve the fish stocks in the oceans, and the old growth forests, especially the rain forests, and to reuse and recycle. And more. Drastic cuts in spending for medical research and world health problems. And more.

(The following references "you" several times. I want to make it very clear that the "you" I am talking about is NOT my old friend quoted above, but the rest of "you". This is not aimed at or intended to be a diatribe for my friend.)

And now we have come to the place where warnings are too late. Earth, air and water are seriously damaged. The environment is rapidly changing, with weather patterns changing rainfall locations and amounts. The air is changing to allow more heat to reside in the oceans and atmosphere. Not “WILL CHANGE” but “IS CHANGING”. Get it? The warnings were right and now by not heeding them we, yes all of us, are screwed. SOOOO SCREWED. So don’t whine and cry about the conditions of the world. Suck it up. You allowed this to happen by inaction and either not voting at all or voting for the science-denying religion-spouting assholes of the world. You did this. You.

And you will, if you are unlucky, live to see the consequences. And the more? Only the loss of freedom. Desperate peoples give up freedom for security. You are doing that now. Too late, folks. Just too late.

Image: http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Damn_8b112b_584520.jpg