WIC and CIGS

He was ahead of me in the line at Harveys. Three WIC vouchers four piles of stuff. I don’t know how WIC really works, but obviously each of the vouchers either had a dollar limit or a food type or he saved them up. He got milk, eggs, cheese, some cereal and a few other things on the vouchers. Each pile had to be checked out separately, each voucher signed separately. The fourth pile was beer, and the cashier got a couple cartons of cigs. Out came the wallet with a wad of 20s. That really pissed me off. Essentially I paid for his kid’s food and he paid for his beer and cigs. It still pisses me off.
Sally pointed out that with the vouchers, at least his kids got fed (and so did he, the greedy bastard) because he would have bought the beer and cigs anyway, and not food. She is undoubtedly right. It still pissed me off. If this guy makes enough to wave that kind of cash around why the hell is he getting the vouchers in the first place? Maybe works for cash so no paper trail? I don’t know. And maybe when he gets home he will sell the groceries to a neighbor, send the kids to eat a free lunch at school and sit around watching his flat screen drinking beer and smoking. Just the thought of that pisses me off.
More good news: the economy in Florida will generate 1.3 million jobs in the next few years due to the recovery that is well underway. So the morons in Florida that “Threw the bastards out” threw out the wrong bastards. No accounting for morons.
Image: http://farmdirectmarket.powersites.net/files/2010/09/WIC.jpg

Breaking News: Blurred Groin Syndrome!!

A newly discovered physical/anatomical disorder is called blurred groin syndrome or BGS. Men have wondered for years why the shape of some men’s “junk” was obvious even through clothing, while others could wear anything for jeans to Speedos and still not have that “come and get it” look. Now we know the answer to this perplexing problem: BGS. That’s right; there is something about the anatomical and electrophasic distribution of the body’s meridia that cause a blurring of the groin area, resulting in a nearly invisible set of genitalia. This syndrome was confirmed inadvertently as comedian Dave Barry was directed by TSA into a pat-down room because the full body scanner could not image his “package” (1). He was told he had a blurred groin. It seems that this strange combination of anatomical and electrical phenomena affects not only the retinal imaging of genitalia but also the X-ray imaging.
So after years of carrying equivalent junk and getting ignored by everyone, men finally have an answer: BGS. Laboratories around the world are currently at work to provide a drug to relieve the symptoms of BGS. Early tests of one drug showed great promise: mice that have notoriously blurred groins were given a two week course of experimental drug “X”, and were observed to have rat-sized genitals! Who Knew? The drug is scheduled to move directly to phase three trials because many of the top regulators in the country have been accused of not having any balls and they want to prove that they have. We shall all see very soon.
(Secret research for this breaking news report is secret, so don’t ask. It is, however, copyrighted)
Image: http://www.aclu.org/files/images/client/BodyScanner.jpg (note that the gun is easliy seen, but the "junk" is invisable!)
1. http://www.npr.org/2010/11/15/131338172/humorist-dave-barry-and-the-tsa