An Alien Feeling of Disquiet. Is it Fear?

This morning I heard an interview with writer Willian Vollmann. He explained that his writings and associations had gotten him on the FBI watch list. He filed a Freedom of Information Act (FIA) request for his FBI file and discovered that he was suspected of being the Unabomber, before the actual bomber was arrested and convicted. He was then secretly investigated for the Anthrax mailings. He has been detained at immigration checks while entering the country several times, for no apparent reason. To this day he continues to be watched closely.

NOTA BENE: he has never been found to be involved with any terrorist activity other than reporting on them, has never been charged with any crime and never been convicted of anything. He is being watched because of his writings and associations.
He said, and I agree, that this is Un-American.
 
So, I thought, I wonder if the FBI has a file on me. In the late 50’s I studied Russian in college, was a member of the University of Miami Russian Club, sang and played in the Russian Chorus at UofM, and often performed at Russian and Ukrainian churches and fellowship halls. I also, as part of a Russian language course, subscribed to a publication written in Russian called “America”. This was put out by the State Department as part of a cultural exchange. In class we also got to see the Russian counterpart, also a propaganda magazine. Remember, in those days Russia (USSR) was our bitter enemy. These were the days of Joseph McCarthy.

Ah, I thought. While in high school I got into a few brushes with the law. Then I remembered that as a young professor in Virginia I sponsored a student group called ‘Young Americans for Freedom” or YAF. This is a conservative/libertarian organization that has had a powerful effect on America. In the early 70’s it was considered radical. My association only lasted a few years, but I wonder if I was “surveilled” during that time, and watched afterwards.

And here is where the fear tingles began. I wondered if I filed a FIA request, and there was a file, would that trigger some series of new observations. Would my emails, phone records and blog postings be observed? Would I be retained at immigration checks or airports? Not because I was in any way guilty of anything, but because I looked for my file.
And being even a little afraid of something like this is Un-American, and that thought makes me sad. That makes me wonder. I even wonder if writing this essay is a mistake. Well screw it if it is.

Image: http://allthingsd.com/files/2013/06/uncle-sam-watching-you-feature.png

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Young_Americans_for_Freedom