Moving Day

Matt is graduating Friday. PhD. The second one in the family. Sally was first. Both of mine should have been second and third, but I walked away from them, unfinished. Not the best decision I ever made, but far from the worst. Matt and his husband are off to Oregon for another chapter in their lives. The challenges of a new job, new town, and new friends will be significant, but they are up to the challenge.
Hal and his wife moved into a new house a week or two ago. They are opening up another chapter of their lives, albeit not as big a chapter as Matt’s and they, too, are up to the challenge.
Sal and I are staying put. Right here. Going nowhere. Well, that doesn’t sound good, does it? We are not going to MOVE again, until it’s time for the dirt nap. I am glad the kids (Effie: Oh Kids!! [Sigh loudly]) are moving around and finding new places to light. I think the price paid for this pelagic kind of lifestyle, though, is a paucity of new friends that become old friends. So my advice to them and anyone in the same circumstance is: One: Try to stay in the same place for at least 25 years. Two: keep in touch with your old friends and try to find a few good new friends. The kind that stick with you no matter what. And be that kind of friend yourself. And finally, stay close with the family. And don’t forget to send money to your parents when they get old. They deserve it and you can afford it.
Image: photobucket.com/.../MovingDay.jpg

News of a Death Today

The email said” Just wanted to let you know that Ben died on April 12th by his own decision. All of us who knew him will miss the Ben we knew.” The guy I knew was a guy you would want to know. This guy had it all, but was bent in some significant way that made him doomed in the end to fail. Educated, polished, easy to talk to and smart. Intelligent too. He went to jail early and redefined himself a few times afterwards. He made it to a Presidency at a State University, and by some measures did well. But his fatal flaw, I guess, couldn’t be overcome. I don’t know how it ended for him. But I do know this: He left a lot of pain behind, both for himself and those who loved him. We will get together some day and talk of him, laugh a little and cry or be sad a little. Most of us moved on long ago, but never forgot him.
I have no belief in an afterlife so I don’t believe Ben will “get his Just Dessert”. What he got, finally, is peace. So rest in peace old friend. I won’t be seeing you any time in the future, but will think of you from time to time, and that is the most anyone can ask for. I’ll focus on the wine, laughs and discussions. Others will remember what they will. And remember this:
"Life is short.
Drink the good wine first"

Image: http://www.jjchandler.com/tombstone

A Drivers Tale.

Ok. I’m writing this so I am not dead. But an inch and a second is all the difference there was between life and death. Here are a few details: Picture a straight 2 lane road in Waukulla County. I am traveling south at 50mph with no traffic in my lane ahead of me. Traveling north is a line of cars. Three down from the lead northbound car a guy (wait, you’ll see) in a blue sedan pulls out and tries to pass all three cars ahead of him. He doesn’t have the power to make it. Meanwhile I see that I am closing with the north bound car too fast for the passer to make it. I slow down and begin to move right to give the passer room to pass on my left. The north bound car does the same. The guy now has enough room to pass. We have effectively turned the road into a tight 3 lanes. But, as I move right, the passer moves to his left and keeps heading directly at my grill. Time to make a decision by someone; I put two wheels onto the shoulder making more room in the middle for the guy to pass. The northbound car does the same. Plenty of room now to complete the pass, but the guy keeps coming straight at me. At the last possible second I debate swerving right, but I remember that that is the best way to lose control of the vehicle. In that same instant the asshole in the blue car (oops, did I give way to angst?) swerves hard to his left and passes me in the ditch on my right, slides sideways, spins and ends up back end up a bank. I see his face as he passes. He is laughing. He passed me by INCHES!!!! If I had moved even slightly right -----
What is the point of this tale? It’s really simple: never forget to tell those you love that you love them, and live every day like it is your last. Yesterday it almost was, and who knows about today?
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Why Not Notice the Good?

The student emailed a typical request: Can I come see you during your SSS time to go over my last exam? Sure, I responded, come by whenever you can and we can talk. He came in and sat down at a table and waited for me to finish with another student. I sat with him and got out his exam. I started to go over the answers he missed and he stopped me: “I know I got some things wrong, but would you tell me what I got right first?” Ooops. Teaching moment. But not for him, for me.
You see it is all too easy to notice the things that are wrong while either overlooking the things that are right, or at least not focusing on them. All teachers know that you should focus on the strengths of their students while at the same time bringing along their not-so-strong areas. This student wanted to know that I knew he got some things right. So we went over the exam questions in order, and I reviewed his right answers and we discussed why they were right as well as the other not-so-right answers. He was pleased that I saw him as a student that got a lot right, and not so much wrong.
A lesson for all of us in this? You betcha (Thanks Grandpa Search). The next time you go somewhere and notice something slightly off or downright wrong, skip it until you notice all the right things, then if you must, mention the not-so-right things. I think you will quickly find that the world has more “right” than “wrong” if you try this technique. Hopefully what you won’t hear me say is jeez, you need to lose some weight. Instead I’ll say, Boy, that shirt is really cool. What size is it? Just kidding. Notice the good and forget the bad. We all know when we screw up. What we all need is to know that sometimes we do well.

Image: www.cdc.gov/ulcer/consumer.htm