A Dream

In a dream I had the other night, I walked past a parked car and saw my brother Tom in the passenger seat. As is often the case in dreams, he was much younger than he is now. I stopped to ask why he was sitting there and he said "I don't know where I am". Then I noticed a cop approaching with several tickets in his hand. I asked what happened and he told me that my brother had rear-ended his police car. He showed me minor damage and then asked me who I was. I told him I was Tom's brother, and my name was Richard Search. He asked for I.D. so I gave him my drivers licence. He asked again what my name was. I told him again. Then he said "According to your licence, you are Tom Search, and his licence says he is Richard Search." He showed the licence with my picture and the name: Thomas Lee Search. I pulled out my new I.D. from work: Thomas Search and my picture. I ended the dream there, confused and wondering. If dreams mean anything at all, what could that switch possibly mean? Probably nothing at all, but still - - - - - .

Image: http://bellanimaphotography.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/twins-53.jpg

" 'til its chiseled in stone"

Vern Gosdin sang it:"You don't know about lonely 'til its chiseled in stone". It struck me that there are a couple of kinds of "lonely". There is the kind that you have when you are away from those you love, and the kind when you hear that someone you admire has died, the kind when you are between partners and no prospects on the horizon, and the kind Gosdin was singing about. The loss of your lifetime partner, lover and friend. That's the kind that makes me crazy with worry. My parents died and I felt alone, finally no one for backup. Several of my friends died and I felt left alone, never to hear or see them again. Soldiers die and I feel a sense of loss, not like a parent or partner would feel, but loss none-the-less. We seem to be surrounded by loss of one kind or another. Thousands of Haitians die and the feeling of sadness for the senseless loss is overwhelming.
I can and have coped with those kinds of loss. What I can't bear thinking about (but obviously am) is the loss of my dear Sally. No hidden hints here. Nothing going on that I am not telling. Just Gosdin's song that hit home like a spear in my heart. I just can't imagine the depth of that loneliness. I wrote an essay some time ago about the hardest thing ever faced or done. For me, lonely chiseled in stone has to top the list.
Gosdins song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUTyH8ZYZdA

Image: http://www.jjchandler.com/tombstone/

Essay: http://searchesworld.blogspot.com/2009/07/hardest-thing-i-have-ever-done.html

She Fears for her very Soul

She stood outside my office with tears slowly running down her young face. A 19 year old student taking Zoology. The course is offered using an evolution approach. I ask her to come in and talk and she said "I am so frightened." and a quiet sob sliped out. "Of what?" I asked. "Of going to hell." She finally sat down in the doorway and the story came out. She was raised in a Fundamentalist Christian environment where Evolution was dangerous even to think about. She was telling a family member about my course and was sent to the preacher, who told her she would surely go to Hell if she stayed in the course and heard more. I tried to explain "theistic evolution" the "Evolution is God's plan therefore not dangerous heresy" theory. She sobbed again and said that the real reason she was terrified was that she saw the logic of it and could believe that it was true, but that then put all her beliefs in doubt. And for that she would surely go to Hell. Her preacher told her so. She had a good quick mind, an open and sunny personality and I still weep when I think of that beautiful little girl being so assaulted. She dropped out and I don't know the rest of her story. I do know this: If anyone goes to Hell, it will be the preacher, if there is a Hell.

Image: www.apuritansmind.com/images/MiscImages/hell2.jpg

Conspiracy Theories

A friend told me of a movie about a theory that basically blames the collapse of the twin towers, the crash in Pennsylvania and the Pentagon as an elaborate government fraud that goes back to the 30's to destroy some incriminating documents and give us an excuse to go to war. Either I am incredibly naive and very slow and missed the boat by a mile, or this is a fruitcake idea. But I think she believes it. I am beginning to believe that we don't have a chance of succeeding in growing a healthy and better America. I heard today that more people are questioning global climate change, more are supporting tough abortion restrictions or elimination of abortion all together, and the mood in the country is shifting to a more conservative way of thinking. When the last president was re-elected a major newspaper in England headlined something like "How can 50,000,000 Americans be so dumb?"

Well it looks to me like they are alive and well. Maybe the terrible legacy we are passing on to the future generations isn't what I thought it is. I thought that the degrading of the environment and the collapse of the biosphere was it. Seems like it is an increasingly conservative electorate electing an increasingly conservative government. This will just hasten the real legacy as mentioned above. It is like denying that the sun will come up in the morning. Deny all you want, but you know what? It comes up anyway. I really hoped that the Obama wave was a real change in direction. I am beginning to wonder.

Photo and article on the "conspiracy": myworldthebest.com/lk/wp-content/uploads/2009...

War

Remember John Kerry? He was for before he was against? That's me. Think Vietnam. I was for it before I was against it. My government lied to me and I believed them. Then, the truth. Desert Storm I. Just war I thought. Supported it. Nine/eleven and Afghanistan. Just war I thought. Supported it. (The way it was abandoned for 'Shock and Awe' was a crime though). Then "Shock and Awe I" (Desert Storm II). Opposed from the beginning. See? My record is mixed with a waffle thrown in.
But don't ever think that I was "soft" on support for the troops. Starting in 1969, Fall, I had bunches of 'nam vets in my classes. Mostly wounded warriors back for good. I loved them and we literally locked arms around the flagpole when the SDS was going to take Old Glory down and burn it. And me a liberal, too. More mixed messages.

Our troops are ordered to go and they say loud and clear "YES SIR". They work their asses off in the worst conditions imaginable, and live or die sometimes by the throw of the dice. They protect us no matter what or where. THEY ARE NOT TO BLAME FOR WHAT POLITICAL MORONS DECIDE TO DO.

So, as Iraq winds down (hopefully) and Afghanistan winds up (hopefully not for too long) be proud of the men and women in uniform. Love them and cherish them and support them and mourn for those that fall.

But never, never blame them or scorn them or hate them or ignore them. They do what they do for you and me, and for their brothers-in-arms. If you don't like the war, or any war for that matter, tell your government. Vote the bastards out of office. But welcome and support the troops.

Photo: www.eaglestock.com/mf/vietm01b.jpg

Woody 6.97

I have been thinking about the aging process lately (can't imagine why) and decided the old adage "you aren't getting older, you are getting better" is pretty much BS. While some wisdom may be accruing, everything is wearing out. Better my ass. Weaker, deafer, blinder, wrinkled-er (is that in the OED?), balder (possible?), slower, fatter. Now to be fair, some things are going up: blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, age, time between, um, well, you know, and other things. But these parameters are not particularly good either.

So I have decided to rename the process to get a positive spin on things. You know new releases of software are usually better and often correct preexisting problems or issues. From now on we should all view ourselves as upgrades. In May I will be 'Woody 7.0". Now that has got to be better than the old 6.9, doesn't it? And jeez, by the time "Woody 10.o" arrives I'll need chains to keep me down.

Cheer up!! Your new release is just around the corner, and with any luck the bugs will be gone, and the system won't crash.

Image: www.crack99.com/list_special.html

Take FSU ----- Please.

Some things just piss me off. Can't help it. This is one of them. In a time of financial crisis brought on by a combination poor fiscal policy at the national and state level and poor contingency planning by university administrations, most universities have had to cut programs or services or both. Florida State University is no exception. General belt tightening including staff and faculty reductions, program and class reductions and budget reductions for travel, office and laboratory supplies are all underway.

Yesterday the new football coach was named from the existing coaching staff, a savings of some magnitude because the expense of a national search was avoided. Good. And the guy may well be a good coach. His salary: $9,000,000 for 5 years. That's right. NINE MILLION DOLLARS. When cleaning staff are out of a job. Secretaries are out of a job. Faculty are out of a job. Students are out of programs and class size is increased while class availability is reduced. Couldn't the guy manage to get by on say, $500,000 a year? I'll bet you could. I know I could. Some things just piss me off.

Image: blogs.ajc.com/.../2009/03/fsu_criminoles.jpg

Woodpeckers and Women

Just outside my window, a pileated woodpecker is working on a dead hickory looking for breakfast. It is 26 degrees out there. I am thinking that the bird must have a very cold beak. I wonder how many people in the world right now are shivering and wondering where the next meal will come from, and wondering how the world got this way. Too many people, too few jobs, too much religion and you have a recipe for disaster. Look at Afghanistan. Average woman has 7 live children and no hope for a real future for any of them. So the boys become men in the Taliban or some other group that devalues women, the girls become women with 7 live children each and the cycle goes on and on. Same in other countries where women are disenfranchised. A solution would be to empower women, raise the standard of living for all, educate all, provide commerce for all and watch the world get better. A generation or two is all it would take. Reality or pipe dream? You figure it out.

Photo: http://freestylevolunteer.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/pileated-woodpecker.jpg

And, speaking of food........

The heron reminded me of the Australian cuisine, the Chinese cuisine, the Italian cuisine and some others we have seen and/or tried. Witchitty grubs and ant bums. The grubs are slow roasted over an open fire then scarfed down. Or served on biscuits with quandong sauce. Mmmmmm. We were offered but did not participate. Now the ant bums are another story. Catch a green ant, squeeze its bum and lick. Wonderful! A nice lime flavor. Very refreshing. Good for seasoning almost anything that needs a bit of citrus. And, if you squeeze them near your nose and inhale, the vapor opens the sinuses like a Vicks inhaler. And smells like lime. We have all accidentally consumed insects. Spiders in particular. They are everywhere and in everything. So HA! to you arachnophobes out there. And don't ask about peanut butter.

Photo: www.ntnews.com.au/.../2008/01/29/grubs.jpg

Fine Dining? Blue Heron isn't it.

I suppose this admission might get us into trouble, but, here goes. When I was a student at UF in 1968-69, my room mate and I were really poor. Rent, beer (and cheap beer at that)and a few other necessities were all we could afford. With motorcycles, we didn't spend much going out most afternoons to hunt for dinner. We had a simple rule: shoot it if it moves, and then eat it. On one occasion a Blue Heron was accidentally killed while trying for something else. Not into waste, we decided to take it home and eat it. We field dressed it, packed it out and went home. A little salt and pepper rubbed in, and some garlic salt for fun, and in the oven it went. Soon the house was filled with the stench, umm, yep, stench of roasting heron. Overwhelming. When it was nice and brown, we cut a few slices and tried it: inedibly horrible. Even for two hungry grad students. We ate the taters and something else, and fed the neighborhood cats the rest. Advice: never eat a Blue Heron. That probably explains why there are so many of them around. Or, maybe the old "you are what you eat" thing cut in.
Photo: http://www.light-and-shadow.org/gallery/view_photo.php?set_albumName=Claudia-Petersons-Album&id=Blue_Heron_eating_Vole