Coming of Age, or, Growing up Straight.

Here's a tale of growing up. A little background first about atmosphere of my family. My father had many friends (can't remember a black one, though). He was a sales engineer in an international firm and although limited to the east coast including New York and Washington, D.C. mixed with people from all over the world. His friends were Catholics, Jews, and Protestants of all stripes. Closer friends were from all over Europe pre- and post WWII. He had a nasty epithet for everyone. Even States were not exempt ( Damn New Jersey driver!!!).

He and my mother were particularly worried that their boys would be accosted by a man (undefined by them to me) and hurt (also undefined but they meant pedophile which to them included all gay men as well. Consider the times - 1940s). So into this atmosphere of verbal intolerance fear and no boundaries what-so-ever within their social or work groups I was born and raised. Jews were kikes, except for our neighbors. Italians were guineas or sheenies, except for our neighbors. You get the point. So I grew up with a clear dichotomy played out.
Homosexuals were never even mentioned except in the abstract and then lumped with pedophiles.
I grew up wary of "those kind of men" that would "pick you up" (don't get into a car with a man, don't go into a strangers house alone etc). When I had my first inseparable friend, John, my mother worried that were too close. Yet, in my school I had friends that were gay (I didn't know it) and at least one gay teacher (we all knew) who was a great guy. I had failed girlfriend relationships (my mother worried) but lots of male friends (my mother worried). So, off to college.
In Miami there was a place called Bay Front Park where the queers cruised. There were queer bars and queer hangouts. By then I knew ( I thought) what queers did. I had friends who went to the park and rolled older weaker queers. I never went with them, but never really objected either. To this day I feel ashamed of that.
One time in 1960 or so a guy approached me outside of a diner that I lived in, showed me a strip of paper with a ruler printed on it and "peter meter" printed on it as well. He asked me if I wanted to see how it worked. I said no and he went away. Life threatening brush with queerdom. My sexuality had solidified by then to raging hetero, and my mother worried because the girls were cheap. No pleasing some mothers.
I had a friend in graduate school, 1963, who trusted me enough to come out to me. In a rush one night in the lab the said "I'm a homosexual. I hope this doesn't change our friendship". I will never forget my wise and insightful response. It haunts me to this day. "I'm OK with that as long as you don't try anything with me", I said. Surprise.He never mentioned it again. We stayed friends.
By this time I also heard of girl queers, but thought that a good stiffie would "cure" them (that's what all my friends thought, all us male assholes). Just a lack of the good old rod. Show'em the way and they will love it and you for ever. Only problem is I never knew if I knew one. I never knew anyone who had "cured" one, but I knew lots of guys that loved the girl-on-girl porno films (8mm in those days).
Fast forward through the 60s (I was there but AWOL on the free love and drug scene). I got a good leadership job in academia and lo and behold, our librarian (in his 50's) was a homo. Great guy, lived with his "brother". We were social friends, close at times, and never once talked about his sexuality (or mine for that matter). He left both the job and his brother and went off with a young blond man on some long journey. I was disgusted to think what they were doing all day in that sailboat. Then epiphany: what ever it was, it was a small part of who he was and didn't change all that I loved about him. So, says I to me, just get over it. I did. Then and there.
Then the 80s hit with a vengeance, and gays were dying of unknown causes. "Gods will" some of my students chanted. For what I asked? For loving someone? For being different? I knew what they meant, and the sadness of this tale is that they are still around and still saying the same thing. Then straights began to fall, AIDS was named and HIV was identified as the culprit.
By now I had gay and lesbian friends and students who were mostly not out but were with me.
I got angry when someone proposed that we have a Baptist Student Union because I don't like exclusivity of any kind, and proposed to sponsor a GLBT student union. I was told the day I did that I would be fired on the spot. So much for ya'll come liberal arts education. "Ya'll come, but some of you stay safely in the closet" was more like it.
So I sponsored the "SafeZone" initiative on campus and quietly pursued organizing the GLBT (we didn't have any T's yet) and became the sponsor. Didn't get fired. But the GLBT students were mostly not interested in a public group, and the organizing student died of a brain tumor, so the nascent organization fizzled.
During this time I made many friends, some of them straight and a goodly number not.
Then my son came out. No surprise there. He told us he was seeing someone. I told him straight up that his love would be unwelcome in my house if he was a - - - - - - - - republican. (he wasn't' but still would have been welcome to our log cabin of sorts).
Matt and John are now married (God bless Iowa) and we love them both. And they love each other. And who cares what they do in bed? I don't.

A long journey from a home built on love but infused with intolerance. My early days with homosexuality were low points for me in terms of tolerance. I was what I learned. But I like to think that as I grew up I grew out of all that and finally arrived at the man I am today. Many shameful moments darkened my early days. I am so glad that those days are over and long behind me. It is often said that you can never go back. Who the hell would want to?

Image: http://www.eastbayexpress.com/imager/b/magnum/3405936/58d2/mg_movies1_3509.jpg

A Few More Rednecks

I was driving along a few days ago, Pandora streaming to the radio, when David Allen Coe came on with his version of A Few More Rednecks. Well, to start with, I love Coe. His rough style and straight up irreverence appeals to me. No, he isn’t even remotely Politically Correct, but who really cares?

I listened to the lyrics and thought “Damn, I agree with most of that.” Me? A Liberal? Yup. Me. The crap about guns is crap. And nobody would want John Wayne as President, seriously. But the core message to me is this:

What most people call a redneck

Ain’t nothin’ but a workin’ man

And he makes his livin’

By the sweat of his brow

And this:

But it makes my temper itch

When my hard earned money goes

To make some politician rich

There is probably a list of slurs, and “redneck” is probably on the list. Most likely it depends on who and under what circumstances it is used. Kind of like “nigger”.  A white person says it, or even says “the “N” word” and gets in all kinds of trouble. But watch “The Wire” or listen to Black people on the street and you will get tired of hearing it.

Rednecks are really just working people, mostly good folks, just trying to get by. The so-called lower class or lower middle class. With very little chance for upward mobility or real wage increases. And yet they vote in startling numbers for the Republican Party, a political party dedicated to making the rich people including most politicians richer, and keeping the poor working class people poor and undereducated.

What the hell are they thinking? Answer: they are not thinking. They are sucking up the poison put out by the rich people. They are lied to every time they turn around. And they don’t seem to be able to see it.

So maybe “a country boy will survive”, but he will always be poor and under educated. Because he votes for the overlords who keep him down, ignorant and poor.

Yes, this is a generalization, and yes, some rednecks actually see the benefit of voting issues rather than just following the party line. But if you look at the Red vs Blue states, you will see a preponderance of rednecks voting in a block for the Republican Party. Boggles the mind.

Image: http://www.city-data.com/forum/attachments/elections/35518d1233792355-rednecks-obama-rednecks-obama.jpg

1. Charlie Denials Band www.youtube.com/watch?v=nF1GiZCcL1o

Did You Hesitate?

Assuming these people truly love each other, then
Should black people be allowed to marry white people?
Should Christians be allowed to marry Jews?
Should Americans be allowed to marry Russians?
Should disabled people be allowed to marry non-disabled people?
Should blind people be allowed to marry deaf people?
Should country people be allowed to marry city people?
Should people with no education be allowed to marry Ph.Ds?
Should people who work for a living be allowed to marry retirees?
Should poor people be allowed to marry rich people?
Should a Gemini be allowed to marry a Leo?
You probably answered "YES" to these questions. You probably thought "Jeez Woody, what the hell is the point here? Marriage is a choice between two people who love each other. DUH."

So what about this:
Should a man be allowed to marry another man?
Should a woman be allowed to marry another woman?

Now, some of you hesitated. You thought a minute and then said "Well, I guess they should"
And some of you screamed "HELL NO". You are the bigoted narrow minded ones. 
And some of you yelled "HELL YES". You are the open minded inclusive ones.
You are right, by the way. 

Image: http://sandraholguin.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/hesitate3-300x182.jpg

Je suis Charlie

If you  love freedom and liberty, you are "Charlie" too. The horror has subsided, but will never go away and French and international police are on the case. The 3 men and one woman have been identified, the men killed, the woman escaped. 
And at home here in America, the new congress is changing the plan to gut the TSA and NSA and now are soundly and loudly behind heightened security. Oh, and still harping on the President's immigration policies as dangerous and ineffective. Oh sure, we should all be worried about a roving band of Mexican terrorists butchering our lawn or roof. What morons. but I digress.
The attacks in Paris cut to the heart of the freedom of the Western democratic countries. And we must be very careful not to yield even more freedom in the name of security. We are probably the safest population in the hemisphere and possible in the entire free world. We have a fine federal, state and local policing capacity. We have a well-armed citizenry. We have excellent border control, unless you lose sleep at night worrying that a 6 foot tall bearded Arab will pass for a Guatemalan. 
But, and a big but, we also have a very open society. No shotgun wielding guards at our banks and malls. No "where are your papers" road stops entering and leaving towns and cities. 
Yet. Yet we are vulnerable at every level. And we have had many terrorist attacks in the last few years. Schools, business, homes, public events and even military bases have been attacked. By home grown terrorists. 
So we are not immune or exempt. We will be hit again and again by both foreign and domestic terrorists. 
WE MUST NEVER YIELD TO THE TEMPTATION TO WITHDRAW INTO A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY BY GIVING UP OUR FREEDOMS. NEVER. GIVE. IN.
We collectively mourn the journalists who die in the pursuit of news for us. For the commentators who die giving us perspective. And for the police who protect them and us. But WE MUST NEVER YIELD TO THE TEMPTATION TO WITHDRAW. NEVER. GIVE. IN. 

Image: http://akfreedomfighters.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/never-give-in.jpg?w=300&h=225