I Always wanted to but I Never Did

He Stopped Loving Her Today

Just heard George Jones, a very young GJ, sing this old favorite (1). As the words rolled out my mind drifted to other thoughts and came to focus on the idea of missed chances. Missed chances. The Service of Remembrance I went to last weekend was in large part about missed chances: a young woman missed the chance for a long and happy life and as she went she exhorted all of us not to delay. Not to miss the chances life presents.
Many of us have missed chances to accomplish all kinds of things from ridiculous to sublime and everything in between. It is human nature to prioritize what we do according to some unfathomable internal metric. And in the process we always miss the chance to get to something else. Or someone else. Or someplace else. Or just plain something.
The real tragedy of the "He" in the song seems to be that both the dead guy and the live woman wanted to be connected somehow, but missed the chance. A careless word or deed, or something not done or done badly. We can't know the back story. Just the effect.
Which brings me back to the idea of getting "it" done now, whatever "it" may be. Oh so easy to say isn't it. "Just DO IT". But not so easy to do. Why? All those damn priorities keep getting in the way. Save for the future or spend now? Cut the grass or write a story? Take a nap or work on the gun stock? The fact is that you can't do everything and that means deciding what is important and keeping the important things at the top of the list. As the "golden years" (those are the years when you spend all the gold you have saved) proceed, it becomes even more important to make the list and keep on it. To paraphrase a line from Gary Jennings great novel "The Journeyer" (1), Marco Polo said he lived so at the end he would not  say "I always wanted to but never did."
This is what I wish for you and yours, and for me and mine. What could be better than to be dying and not be able to think of a single thing left undone, unspoken, unexperienced or unloved. My idea of a good life.
(And, on the way to the citations, I found this country song by Blake Shelton I never heard before, and except for a few details,  it is my story. Funny how things work. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jnf82BCQV68 )

Image: https://img0.etsystatic.com/031/1/5261100/il_340x270.577789716_o8ss.jpg

1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crIUhQ536f8

2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Journeyer

A Tale of Sacrifice:Hey Nutria!! Bet You Can’t Catch ME!

A mink and nutria, usually natural enemies, were walking by the edge of a wide stream. Their unlikely friendship had formed some time ago when the mink and his friends saved the nutria from a feral dog. They grew up playing and planning their futures together and as adults were good friends. “Mink” said the nutria, “On a find day such as this we should find a warm spot in the sun and have an afternoon nap. I am tired from enlarging my burrow for the next litter.” “I don’t know Nutria. I have a lot to do to get ready for the “blessed event” in my den. New grass and feathers to collect and maybe dig another entrance for safety.”

Suddenly, Nutria jumped back and yelled “GATOR!!” as a 5 foot alligator lunged for him. Mink, being the more aggressive of the two, jumped in front of Nutria and said “Run Nutria, I will deal with this coldblooded mindless reptile” and bit the gator on the end of its nose. The gator lunged at the mink several times, and each time the mink led the gator further from his cowering friend. Finally, when the gator was totally distracted, Mink ran away and left the gator wondering where his lunch had gone.

“My goodness Mink, that was really brave of you. I think he would have had me if you hadn’t taken him on. I can be really slow to react at times, especially when I need a nap.” The mink just laughed and said “I tease gators all the time. They think they can catch any animal they want, but we minks are way too fast for them. Why, I remember a time “ and at that point Nutria screamed ‘GATOR” again and before he could react, Mink was snapped into the jaws of a second gator he had not seen. One bite and one swallow and Mink was gone. Nutria ran and ran, sobbing “It was all my fault. All my fault. How will I tell Mink’s wife?”

But somehow he found the courage to go to Mink’s den and tell his wife of the tragic end of her husband. She cried and her kits huddled around her. Finally, Nutria said “Mrs. Mink? Don’t worry about your den. I know what Mink needed to do, and I will do it for you. You just get ready for the new arrivals.” And so Nutria began collecting dry grass and feathers and bringing them to the den, and when Mrs. Mink told him she had enough, he dug another entrance into the den. After a few days of this work, Mrs. Mink said “Nutria, why are you helping us? I know you have work to do on your den.” “Mink was my old friend, and without him you would be in danger collecting nesting grass and digging a new entrance. He was my friend, and friends help friends when they can. I will never forget what I owe to Mink, and I will always look out for you.”

And so a new relationship was born, and eventually Nutria became an uncle to many young minks. But sometimes when he was getting ready for an afternoon nap, he would think back to that fateful day on the stream bank and silently cry for his lost friend. He had found out that new friends may be found, but old friends are never forgotten. As he dozed, he thought he heard someone say “Hey Nutria! Bet you can’t catch me!”

Image: http://www.rickubis.com/rick/gatorbuck025.jpg

A Tale of Grieving Alone

One day an old rabbit and a hawk were walking alongside a creek. The rabbit was having a bit of trouble getting over some of the rocks, but the hawk just waited, or, sometimes, helped with a push. They were old friends, but rabbit was nearing his end time while hawk was in her prime.

“Hawk” said Rabbit, “I think my time is near. You know that rabbits age faster than hawks don’t you? We were both young when we met, but you will go on years after I am gone. Will you remember me?” “Why of course you silly rabbit. You saved my child, and showed fierce bravery when you did. I will never forget you. And neither will my daughter. Of course she doesn’t remember when you saved her, but she knows the story by heart, and loves you like an uncle. I know, it is very strange to see hawks and rabbits walking together, but friends are where you find them.”

Later that month, rabbit passed quietly in his sleep, and all the rabbits gathered for his funeral. Some of his childhood friends were there as well, including a mink, a snake and even a porcupine. But no birds. Everyone knew of the deep friendship rabbit had with a certain Lady hawk, and they were surprised and sad when she didn’t join the mourners.

But then, as they were lowering rabbit into his grave, they heard a high and mournful keening. And then a second voice joined the first in a moving descant, and the animals froze. Hawks, some thought. Danger. But Rabbit's daughter Sis said “No, that is the hawk and her daughter. They are keening for my father, for they loved him as we. They won’t come down to the grave for fear of frightening you. They are singing him to his rest.”

And so Rabbit was laid to rest, and the Lady and her daughter keened and keened until dark, remembering a good and brave friend. But out of respect for the other family and friends of Rabbit, they kept their distance, grieving alone. For that is always the way with hawks.

Image: http://www.shltrip.com/sitebuilder/images/2_hawks_soaring_-IMG_5009_3_-990x735.jpg

A Tale of Joy and Disillusionment

Sis bunny was still worried about the death of Mr. Armadillo when she asked her mother “Mama, I am not sure all “humans” are bad animals. Are you sure?” “Well, there might be a few who are not bad, but you can’t tell by the way they look. It is best not to trust any of them.” “But Mama” said Sis, “I saw a small human help a turtle who was trying to cross a road and she didn't hurt the turtle.”

Sis decided to try to find this small human and see for herself if she was nice or bad. Off she went into the woods toward the mounds where some humans lived. She waited at the edge of the woods for a long time, and finally saw the little human walking near the place where she was hiding. As the human got close, Sis slowly moved into her path and said “are you nice or bad?”

The little human was startled to see a talking bunny, and sat right down on her knees. “Are you a magic bunny? How can you talk? Oh, I wish you were a real bunny and not my imagination.”

“I am a real bunny. My name is Sis. What is yours?” “My name is Sarah. Are you magic?” “I am just a regular bunny. But please tell me if you are nice or bad. My Papa and Mama said humans are bad, and I saw you help a turtle in trouble. I don’t think you are bad. Are you?”

“I am not bad. I love animals and want to help them in every way I can. When I grow up I will be a special doctor just for animals. But I didn’t know animals could talk. Do all animals talk?”

“Well, we can all talk, but some are very quiet and hard to understand. Fish are like that. I can never understand what they say when I go to the pond for a drink. I would like to talk to you again sometime, but now I have to go home for supper. Can we talk again?”

Sarah liked that idea and told Sis she would look for her tomorrow. When Sarah got home she told her mother about the bunny, and her mother said “Now Sarah, don’t let your imagination run away with you. Animals can’t talk. Period.” “But Mom, I did talk to her. She is a nice bunny.” “Well, if you meet this bunny again, bring her home to meet me. Then we will see if animals can talk.”

So the next day when the two almost friends met, Sarah invited Sis to go with her to meet her mother. Sis was really worried about this, but agreed. She jumped onto Sarah’s lap, and Sarah carried her home. When she got there, Sarah’s mother said “Well, looks to me like you have caught a nice juicy rabbit Sarah. A few weeks in a pen will fatten her right up. What’s your name bunny?” But Sis couldn’t understand Sarah’s mother. Her words made no sense at all so she said nothing at all. “NO!!! cried Sarah. "Sis is my friend.” Her mother said “Give me the bunny right now Sarah. RIGHT NOW!”

But instead Sarah put Sis on the ground and said ‘Run Sis run. Mama wants to put you in a cage. Don’t come back here. RUN!!”

Sis ran all the way home, and realized that what her mama had told her was right: There may be some nice humans, but you couldn’t tell by looking at them. She decided to be really careful when humans were near, and not to trust them. Her Mama was sad to see Sis disillusioned like that, but she thought it was better to be wary than to be caged.

Image: http://www.petlifestores.com/assets/images/experts/girl_rabbit.jpg

Apalachicola Bay: A Thing of the Past, and Who Cares?

Let’s start with a quick lesson in estuaries. These are places where rivers pour fresh water into salt water inlets of some kind, making a place where the salinity is variable from pure salt water to pure fresh water. So What? This leads to many different micro ecosystems where many different kinds of sea life can breed and grow. Including oysters.

Oysters need water that is not salt and not fresh, in other words a blend of the two kinds. They have very specific salinity requirements, and any variation will lead to poor growth or no reproduction. They also need the nutrients supplied by rivers moving decaying organic matter into the estuary.

A Dying Breed: The Oysterman

Until 30 or so years ago, Apalachicola Bay was considered one of the most productive bays in the world. It had been said that it would be impossible to fish out the bay. And this may have been practically true. Then enter the dual events of a declining rain production in the watershed for the bay, and the unencumbered growth of Atlanta and their policy of not regulating water usage. As a result of these factors and a few others, fresh water flow into the bay has been reduced, and today the oyster industry is in near collapse. The Feds are considering closing the bay for oyster harvest to “allow stocks to rebuild”. Not good enough Feds. Not nearly good enough. That is treating the symptom and not the cause.

The answer to restoring the productivity of the bay is to increase the flow of fresh water to pre-collapse levels. Then the bay will take care of itself. But in my humble opinion, the solution will not be achieved, or even considered. Atlanta continues to grow, and yes, they have begun to implement some minor water conservation schemes. However, the continued growth exceeds the savings from conservation so the deficit in water flow continues to grow. And let’s not forget Alabama. They also need water from the water shed, and they want to grow.

The bottom line? The Bay is Screwed. Period.  If you want to enjoy some really good Apalachicola Bay oysters, you better get them this year. Because this may be the last year for many years to come when the wonderful bivalves are available.

Image: http://soundwaves.usgs.gov/2005/03/Apalachicola.jpg ; http://floridamemory.com/fpc/folklife/fs88727.jpg

Service of Remembrance Message: Don't Wait!!

We went to a  Service of Remembrance for the 33 year old daughter of friends. Although we have known the family for several years, we never met Lauren. Eighteen months ago she was diagnosed with a very aggressive leukemia, and after all that medicine could do, she died. Eighteen months in radical treatment at the Moffit Cancer Center and Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center, two of the most advanced centers for cancer treatment and research, and she died. 

Lauren by all accounts was a happy, smart, loving and giving person, with a deep abiding faith in her God. In preparation for her death, she wrote a letter to her friends and she had it included in the order of service. The letter really said it all. Who she was and why she was admired and loved. I could not figure a way to copy the entire letter, but will continue to try, and would love suggestions on how to do it. You should read it all, and it should go viral. That powerful.
So, I will just copy one thought. 

"There is one thing I want to share with you that I learned during my own experience, and while watching others. Whatever you are wanting to do, do it now. Not only do we not know how long we have in this world, but life is a richer and fuller experience when, rather that waiting for things to happen to us, we make things happen. So whatever it is that you're waiting to do, do it now. You'll thank me." (my bold)

Lauren completed this letter days before she died. Take this anonymous death (for most of you)  and make it your own. Listen to the wisdom of a 33 year old, cut off too soon, telling you her deepest desires. 
And listen to me: What ever you are waiting to do, do it now. Plan it now. Save for it now. And do it. To quote Lauren "You'll thank me."
To which I say "Thank you Lauren."


Offered with love from Woody. 
Images: Moffit Cancer Center Logo and Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center Logo.