Whole Foods Theory of Weight Loss

See that cup? Yup, Whole Foods.

I was sitting in our local Whole Foods this morning enjoying a nice fare trade coffee and an organic gingerbread muffin when I had an epiphany.  America is suffering from a massive obesity problem. People are way fatter than they ever were. Babies are fatter. Kids are fatter. Teens are fatter. Adults are fatter.  Hell, even I am fatter than I once was.
So I was sitting there sipping my organic and fare trade coffee and eating my muffin and people watching. The guy two tables down, for example. Eating a big salad at 9AM. Ok, not all that weird. But this guy was using BOTH HANDS, eating like a crab. Two forks. Not a slob (although he did chew with his mouth open) but steady eating. And the people going in and out with coffee or small bags with pastries or the people just shopping and checking out. And you know what? They were ALL FIT AND TRIM. Not a single fatty in place (well, the checkout woman was, er, matronly). Pony tails swinging, beards bearding, sandals and running shoes walking. 
And then the EPIPHANY!! Shopping at Whole Foods, or even just sitting there and enjoying coffee and pastry was the perfect way to lose weight. No troublesome diets, no exercise. Just enter Whole Foods and BOOM! off goes the weight. 
I left after about 30 minutes and my pants almost slipped off. Bet you might see me there most mornings I am in town. Just drinking, eating and losing pounds and inches. 

Image: http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/dam/assets/130811113322-100lb-loss-people-magazine-story-body.jpg

Recycled Toilet Paper

   
Yes, Whole Foods again. But a different experience. To recap: this morning I sat for a while with a cup of coffee and a muffin, just chill'en.  In the course of my epiphany I felt the need to use the facilities. You know, the "rest room" although the last thing I needed was a rest. Whilst contemplating the very clean surroundings, I noticed a small sign on the toilet paper dispenser. "100% Recycled Toilet Paper" or something very nearly that. 
OMG I thought. That must be the nastiest job in the world. How could you get anybody to recycle toilet paper? And where is this nasty job (no pun intended) done? I always thought the paper goes away when flushed, you know, dissolves. So what? Do they reclaim the fibers from the treatment plant? And then it hit me. This paper all comes from OUTHOUSES and THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES!!! God Almighty what a nasty occupation. 
"Mom, I want you to meet my boyfriend. He is a recycling expert for paper products used in cleanup."
The next thing you hear is a loud shot followed by a teenager crying "DAD, you shot him!!!" "Yeah, well, he tried to shake hands. Did you see how brown his hands are?"
Just when you think you've seen it all, you haven't. 

(in case you don't recognize it, this is humor, not serious shit)

Image: http://lowres.jantoo.com/ecology-confusion-mixed_up-mix_up-misinformed-recycling-11800771_low.jpg

Fire and Ice: Paradise lost?

I finally got the "best" of "America" (1) CD, after years of wanting and forgetting, and yesterday listened to all 22 tracks. Some old favorites and some new ones. "The Border" initially caught my attention because some of the lines and rhythms reminded me of the sound track from "LadyHawke".(2) Good tune on it's own though. One immediately got me listening carefully: "Paradise".
This song was written in 2001,

      Paradise
      Caught between the fire and the ice
      No need to think twice
      Its where I want to be

Here is my take: the fire is the sun, and the ice is deep space. The Earth is positioned perfectly between these monster extremes, allowing Paradise to exist. Perfect balance between too hot and too cold. Perfect. Paradise. And this is EXACTLY where I want to be.
Problem: They paved Paradise and put up a parking lot.(3)
I won't go into the litany of human caused problems. You know them by now. But folks, I gotta tell you, we are about to lose Paradise. At the very least a different Paradise will take the place of the one I know and love. Might be better, might not. Personally, I would rather not trade this one in for a new model. But I am pretty sure that is what we have accomplished as a species.
I don’t know if Beckley and Bunnell had this in mind when they wrote it, or if  "America" had this in mind when they recorded it. But that is what those lyrics mean to me. At least, one of the meanings.
Think about it.
Image: http://reality.usc.edu/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/ice-and-fire1.jpg

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Complete_Greatest_Hits_%28America_album%29

2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ladyhawke

3. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Yellow_Taxi

I just saw a Daily Show sketch of an atheist who is upset because a restaurant is giving a discount to patrons who pray before meals. They give the same discount for meditating for a brief moment, saying thank you to the chef/cook and other non-religious acts of kindness. This guy is pissed because  - - - - why? Can’t figure that one out. He can get the discount any number of ways. He is being an asshole here.

I ran into a secular humanist decades ago who was equally militant and an asshole as well. He would DEMAND that no one say grace over a meal or pray in any venue at all. He would assert loudly that any such activity offended him and should stop at once. I gave up on secular humanists not long after that encounter.

What is it with these people? I get that the imposition of religious activity in a State setting is a violation of the settled law of separation of church and state. But that doesn’t hold in private settings. I have held hands around a table while a prayer was offered. Sang carols in the street in Italy. Attended Seders, in fact led a couple, helped to baptize my god son (and was told by the Priest that I was also “born again”) and had no second thoughts. Others religious practices do not offend me when I chose to be part of them, or when they are private affairs. I do draw the line at publicly supported religion.

So anyway, these guys are just as obnoxious as the preachers who rail against all kinds of perceived “sin” according to their narrow view of their bible. And they credit Jesus or Allah or Muhammad for the source. They are all assholes. All shapes, colors, sizes, religions, sexes, persuasions,  and any other modifier you can think of. All assholes.

We should all hold hands and be thankful for our lives, friends and the good of the world. We should hold hands and pledge to fight intolerance and bigotry. We should all hold hands and just marvel at the companionship we feel in special gatherings.

After all, that is exactly WJWD. And he seems to be the yardstick we use to measure these things.

Image: http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/group-people-holding-hands-around-globe-27405660.jpg