A Bit of Fun at the Expense of Baucus

Sen. Max Baucus, D-Mont., chairman of the Senate Finance Committee, said Social Security is not in crisis.
"It is a long-term issue," Baucus said. "It is an issue that should be addressed sooner, rather than later, to give workers time to plan for any changes. But the current situation does not necessitate rushed or severe action."
Not in Crisis. Huh? What planet is this guy from? The SS trust fund has been systematically looted for decades by every conceivable party and has been in crisis for at least 2 decades.
Ah. I get it. You have to re-define the term “Crisis” to get to his point. Here we turn for help to an unusual source. There is a small university in Alabama that has an interesting School. It is called the School of Scientific Interpretation. This School specializes in uncovering the real meaning of words, phrases and symbols on request. They defined crisis in the following way:
Cr – element number 24 is known for an unusual property called Passivation. This term derives from the Latin ‘passivus’ and relates to suffering. Since chromium resists “suffering” in that it doesn’t oxidize more than a few atoms deep, the term is being used in the negative. In this case SSI interprets it to mean the exact opposite: ‘not suffering’ or resisting oxidation’
Isis – Egyptian goddess known specifically for nature and magic.
Putting the two roots of ‘crisis’ together as used by Baucus, the SSI concluded that the word actually means “as a result of magic, no suffering is or will occur” and therefore concludes that when Baucus says something is “not in crisis” what he actually means is that it is. Crisis by the SSI definition means no suffering, so “not no suffering” means suffering. See? This is how politicians think. To cover his butt, he is saying ‘no crisis’ but can later argue that he actually meant it was in crisis by the conventional definition. Typical political BS.
This resource of alternative definitions is widely used by politicians and administrators of all kinds to clarify and support unpopular positions.
No, Baucus. We are only in crap up to our chins, not our noses, so no need to pump out the old tank, is there?
Image: from the film “Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence”