NPR again. A small essay I cannot find that included the idea that communication between spouses is sometimes less than direct. The example was a wife telling her husband that "There is a dead gopher in the yard". This really asks or tells the husband to go outside and get rid of the dead animal.How often have we all made those kind of observations that said one thing but carried much more implied content? Things like " Its really hot in here, isn't it?" or "The car is making a funny noise again" or " Wow, the grass sure grows fast this time of year, doesn't it?". All have deeper content and probably are said to prompt some action.
Now the question is why bother to hide a request or order in a seemingly innocent observation? I would like to think the reason is a natural tendency in good relationships to be less bossy and confrontational and more cooperative. Rather than saying "Get your fat ass up off the couch and bury the dead gopher that is in the yard", saying "There is a dead gopher in the yard" gives some room for the couch potato to be sort of self motivated. Good strategy for getting along.
So now in our family we have the "dead possum" (lots of them around and few gophers) question. Someone says "The grass is getting long, isn't it?" and the partner asks "Dead possum?" meaning do you want me to cut it, or is that just an observation? This opens the dialogue to further discussion which results in the grass getting cut eventually. Much more civilized than the alternative, don't you think?
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