We were lying on our backs in a too-big bed (it was a king, we are comfortable in a double), the window AC was on (it was 90+ outside and the bedroom was upstairs) and rattling nosily. The house, a weekly rental in the Keys, was pretty well infested with piss-ants. You know them. Tiny ants that never seem to cause trouble but annoy by being there. So there we were, looking at the ceiling when she said "are those piss-ants up there?" Sure enough. They were crawling upside down on the cove molding going from one corner across the room to another and then disappearing. Hundreds of them. Both directions. Moving very fast. What the hell were they doing? No idea. When they met on the road they paused and touched then ran on. Occasionally one stopped for a few seconds, turned around and took off the way it had come.
I thought of a big city seen from above. Are we just piss-ants? Well, piss-ants don't think of themselves as piss-ants. If they think at all they consider themselves to be Very Important Ants. Bustling off to work. Keeping home and hearth together. Serving the greater good by being a cog in an immense machine. Are we just piss-ants? Well, we don't think so do we? But a lot of us think of ourselves as just trying to keep home and hearth together. Serving the greater good by being a cog in a vast machine. Hmmmm.
Now psocids. Even smaller insects. They infest almost everything sooner or later almost everywhere. We don't like them because we find them in our stored food and on our books. Are we just psocids of the world writ large? Not really. They do little harm (yes they eat paper and other things that we cherish, but they eat so very little that it takes a really long time to notice the missing glue or paper or cereal). The same cannot be said for us. I remember a line from an old movie where the rain forest aboriginal people's name for white people was "termite". They lived for Milena in harmony with their land, and whites came in with chainsaws and destroyed everything.Piss-ants and psocids are innocent of intent to destroy. That's the difference.
Friday, July 31, 2009
the hardest thing I have ever done
 |
| Until the next time. |
The lesson I learned was that it didn't matter how hard (read that embarrassing risky self deprecating etc) the current "thing" wasn't, when it was over, as hard as it seemed. Sure it was hard to say "I'm sorry I stole from you" (not once as it turns out but twice [another tale for another time]) or to confront an angry husband or quit the team but once done it was over. Not forgotten god knows but over.
So the next hardest thing is around the corner. What will it be I wonder?
Image: http://33.media.tumblr.com/3245c2d5af8c4991ddaae150469736c6/tumblr_n33qjwdVrx1qciesyo1_500.jpg
Thursday, July 30, 2009
murdered child
On The Page, Poet Mourns Daughter's Murder : NPR
Source: www.npr.org
Slamming Open the Door, the debut collection of poems from Kathleen Sheeder Bonanno, contemplates the murder of the poet's daughter, Leidy Bonanno. She was killed in 2003.
Terry Gross interviewed Kathleen Sheeder Bonanno yesterday. Leidy Bonanno was brutally (is there any other way?) murdered by her ex boyfriend, strangled. KSB's poems circle the death with amazing clarity. I am still in some form of shock from contemplating (empathizing I think) the death of a child, no matter how old. I think "A parent should not have to bury their children. Should be the other way around", but we all know that ideal is sometimes breached.
Then a name popped into my thoughts. Matthew Shepard. My god. How his parents must have suffered. Still do no doubt. His mother has become an activist in GLBT issues. I think "my Matthew, my Matthew. Please not him". Very selfish of me. Please...... not any one's child. But there is no one to hear the plea. So the murders will go on and we will all be diminished.
Sorry.
Source: www.npr.org
Slamming Open the Door, the debut collection of poems from Kathleen Sheeder Bonanno, contemplates the murder of the poet's daughter, Leidy Bonanno. She was killed in 2003.
Terry Gross interviewed Kathleen Sheeder Bonanno yesterday. Leidy Bonanno was brutally (is there any other way?) murdered by her ex boyfriend, strangled. KSB's poems circle the death with amazing clarity. I am still in some form of shock from contemplating (empathizing I think) the death of a child, no matter how old. I think "A parent should not have to bury their children. Should be the other way around", but we all know that ideal is sometimes breached.
Then a name popped into my thoughts. Matthew Shepard. My god. How his parents must have suffered. Still do no doubt. His mother has become an activist in GLBT issues. I think "my Matthew, my Matthew. Please not him". Very selfish of me. Please...... not any one's child. But there is no one to hear the plea. So the murders will go on and we will all be diminished.
Sorry.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
euthanizing Martha
As I stopped by the vet the other day to pick up the dogs, a woman with her son(?) was standing in the parking lot holding a very hairy small dachshund with runny eyes. The woman was crying and the man was doing not much of anything. I heard her sob "....not sure.....right thing....love her....suffering...." and the man just looked away didn't say anything didn't do anything didn't touch her. I went in and started my pickup when they walked in. I moved away from the desk and quit cutting up. The receptionist ask the woman if she was ready. She nodded. The man did nothing. They briefly discussed cremation. She sobbed.The vet came out and took them into an examining room in the back. Door closed. I went back to the desk took off again, but the mood was different, and so we respectfully concluded our business. Millie and Smiley came out and we put them in the truck. I went back in to pay and the woman and man came out without Martha. She was sobbing he did nothing. They left but she didn't get into the car. He did. He tapped his fingers on the wheel while she sobbed and finally got in. They drove away. He drove she sobbed. Now I know in the grand scheme of things the life of one dog is not very significant. But for some people the dog IS the family IS the child IS the companion that shared love and sorrow. I think they euthanized the wrong dog.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
A story of guilt
I heard a story the other day about a young girl that had been sexually abused by a relative (that's mostly who does it) for 3 years. She was 11 or 12 when it started and it lasted for 3 years. She was a very small child, only 60 or 70 pounds, and the adult male hurt her physically as well as well as mentally. Now a young woman, she is trying to get her life on track again after years of suppressing the abuse and not knowing what happened to her as a child. And she is doing it, one day at a time, with the help of counseling and the support of friends. Family? Well, that's a problem. Mom and Dad are angry and hurt and in denial and judgemental and concerned and, well, they have mixed emotions. They didn't know (presumably) about the assaults. So she is trying to cope with the emotions bubbling up from her past and the guilt of the present. Keep in mind that she is completely innocent in all of this. The victim. The assaulted. The damaged. So why is she feeling guilty?
Ahh. That's the crux of this story for me. Guilt. One of the most destructive of all human emotions, and probably one of the tools in our evolutionary survival kit. Guilt seems to be a way of self policing. We do something our brain (experience culture teaching) says is not right and the guilt may help us to not repeat the offense. Maybe it works like that. But when guilt is co-opted and used by others it turns on us and can destroy the very essence of us. Many official and unofficial agencies are adept at using guilt as a weapon. Indeed that is the core of some religions. And it boils down to control. Make someone feel guilty and you can control them. And then they are yours.
"Masturbate? Shame on you. My book says it is wrong to do that. Come to me for penitence and forgiveness. I can save you. " " Disagree with the war? Shame on you. You are a bad American. Support me and you will be back in grace." Sound familiar? Really just control.
So why does our victim feel responsible. The only answer I can see is that the culture from which she came teaches that sex is a shameful thing to be done under cover of darkness and under cover. Procreation is a necessary evil but we must not talk about it. Women are unclean. Men are the perfect image of god. Women are to be used by men. Powerful men have a right to take what they want and women (or any one else) have no right to resist. All these ideas and more come into play.
Thousands of kids are physically, sexually and or mentally abused every day. They are powerless to resist so to survive many (maybe most) submit. And then suppress. And then spend much of the their lives not knowing why they are who/what they are. Why do we teach these ugly and destructive lies through our cultures? Why do we tolerate the continuing assault on children? Why don't we take back our power?
We don't tolerate the assault of children you say? Bull. There are millions of child slaves in the world today, thousands in this country and what is done about it? Do we invade west Africa to stop the trade in children? Do we boycott oil-rich countries that have the cultural "privilege" of using children for sex? Do we insist that "female circumcision" of children be outlawed and stopped? Do we arrest the hundreds (thousands?) of priests that have and continue to abuse children ? No, we don't. We look the other way until we are forced to look. Oh sure some prosecution is pursued. Child pornography is prosecuted when found (as it should be). But how often do you openly confront these issues?
I think the priests of power have so successfully taken over that for most people challenge would be unthinkable. And, of course, would make them feel guilty and unfaithful.
Human beings evolved culturally to exist in groups (clans tribes families) and this structure probably needs defined roles for the members. Someone must lead and someone must follow. That paradigm has been corrupted into the hell we find ourselves in now. Way out? I don't see one. Too many people in too little space with too few resources. And despotic leaders with wildly misguided goals. The Taliban. The genocides of the world (Bosnia, Tibet, Sudan, Congo, Iraq {only ethnic cleansing here, right?} to name a few). The Supreme Council of Iran. And others.
No, it goes on under our noses. We want/need oil so we look the other way. We want/ need trade so we look the other way. We want/need workers so we look the other way.
(Sorry, I digress sometimes into reality. Can't help myself. )
Back to the woman. She is working through her despair and guilt. She is smart and strong and will probably come out of this, not cured, but mended. Like a shattered cup that is glued back together. The cracks remain, and the whole is weaker than it could be, but it functions. It makes me so damn mad that these things continue unabated. Come on people. Speak out and get moving. The next abused child may be your own (child grandchild niece nephew) or a neighbor's child. Don't let these bastards get away with it. You suspect it already somewhere, don't you? You yourself may have been abused as a child. I was.
Ahh. That's the crux of this story for me. Guilt. One of the most destructive of all human emotions, and probably one of the tools in our evolutionary survival kit. Guilt seems to be a way of self policing. We do something our brain (experience culture teaching) says is not right and the guilt may help us to not repeat the offense. Maybe it works like that. But when guilt is co-opted and used by others it turns on us and can destroy the very essence of us. Many official and unofficial agencies are adept at using guilt as a weapon. Indeed that is the core of some religions. And it boils down to control. Make someone feel guilty and you can control them. And then they are yours.
"Masturbate? Shame on you. My book says it is wrong to do that. Come to me for penitence and forgiveness. I can save you. " " Disagree with the war? Shame on you. You are a bad American. Support me and you will be back in grace." Sound familiar? Really just control.
So why does our victim feel responsible. The only answer I can see is that the culture from which she came teaches that sex is a shameful thing to be done under cover of darkness and under cover. Procreation is a necessary evil but we must not talk about it. Women are unclean. Men are the perfect image of god. Women are to be used by men. Powerful men have a right to take what they want and women (or any one else) have no right to resist. All these ideas and more come into play.
Thousands of kids are physically, sexually and or mentally abused every day. They are powerless to resist so to survive many (maybe most) submit. And then suppress. And then spend much of the their lives not knowing why they are who/what they are. Why do we teach these ugly and destructive lies through our cultures? Why do we tolerate the continuing assault on children? Why don't we take back our power?
We don't tolerate the assault of children you say? Bull. There are millions of child slaves in the world today, thousands in this country and what is done about it? Do we invade west Africa to stop the trade in children? Do we boycott oil-rich countries that have the cultural "privilege" of using children for sex? Do we insist that "female circumcision" of children be outlawed and stopped? Do we arrest the hundreds (thousands?) of priests that have and continue to abuse children ? No, we don't. We look the other way until we are forced to look. Oh sure some prosecution is pursued. Child pornography is prosecuted when found (as it should be). But how often do you openly confront these issues?
I think the priests of power have so successfully taken over that for most people challenge would be unthinkable. And, of course, would make them feel guilty and unfaithful.
Human beings evolved culturally to exist in groups (clans tribes families) and this structure probably needs defined roles for the members. Someone must lead and someone must follow. That paradigm has been corrupted into the hell we find ourselves in now. Way out? I don't see one. Too many people in too little space with too few resources. And despotic leaders with wildly misguided goals. The Taliban. The genocides of the world (Bosnia, Tibet, Sudan, Congo, Iraq {only ethnic cleansing here, right?} to name a few). The Supreme Council of Iran. And others.
No, it goes on under our noses. We want/need oil so we look the other way. We want/ need trade so we look the other way. We want/need workers so we look the other way.
(Sorry, I digress sometimes into reality. Can't help myself. )
Back to the woman. She is working through her despair and guilt. She is smart and strong and will probably come out of this, not cured, but mended. Like a shattered cup that is glued back together. The cracks remain, and the whole is weaker than it could be, but it functions. It makes me so damn mad that these things continue unabated. Come on people. Speak out and get moving. The next abused child may be your own (child grandchild niece nephew) or a neighbor's child. Don't let these bastards get away with it. You suspect it already somewhere, don't you? You yourself may have been abused as a child. I was.
Orchid flowers
Orchid flowers are very complicated and highly evolved. The plants are similarly evolved. Some live in trees, some in water and some in the ground. They are found almost everywhere in the world. Not all of them are beautiful to everyone, but all are beautiful to someone. Sound familiar? Think people. The culture in which one lives dictates the definition of "beauty", and the filter of your own brain adds the finishing touches. Sara Baartman (AKA the Hottentot Venus) was put on display, treated to societies best and dissected by Cuvier. An honour in itself. She was amazing in proportion and a beauty in her society. She was a gentle soul and much used. We fight for beauty, die for beauty, undergo surgery for beauty, and in the end find our beautiful partner (if we are lucky) or who we are. It is worth a minute or two of your time to think about who you are and who you love. Both are beautiful. To you and them. And to me. Peace.
link to Sara Baartman: http://www.shpltd.co.uk/qureshi-baartman.pdf
link to Sara Baartman: http://www.shpltd.co.uk/qureshi-baartman.pdf
Thoughts on a leaky boat and HUTAs
The boat leaks. Fairly significantly. Out over 100 feet of water in the Atlantic off the Keys with only a bilge pump between fishing fun and disaster. One battery failure or pump failure and down we go. The stupidity of this situation hits like a stone hits a Philistine . Thump! Down we go. The world is leaking like crazy now and fast running out of batteries and pumps to keep it afloat. Disaster is ahead, even if we don't sink, we will wallow dangerously toward sinking for decades to come if we don't get to a safe harbor. Let me be plain. The degradation of the land, air and water has continued for too long for natural mechanisms to keep the balance. Think Gaia Theory. Right, the Gaia hypothesis has been up-graded to a Theory (capital "T", you ex bio students know what that means"). It will take political will, cash and lots of luck to avert total disaster. The sadness is that many political leaders and their kith and kin don't even think there is a problem. "Just a natural cycle" (no, I don't know the source, but it is an oft-repeated saw"). This is what I call the HUTA syndrome, and is dangerous for us all. The HUTA folks will go down with the boat just like the rest of us when the time comes, but they will wonder why. The rest of us will know why and wonder why we didn't do something sooner. Eat, drink and be merry, friends. Looks like the HUTAs will win this one. Funny old world when winning is losing, isn't it.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=huta
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=huta
Fat? May not be all your fault.
In a just released study, a mechanism that may explain a part of why overweight people get fatter rather than slimmer. It has to do with an inflammatory response in fatty tissue. Sounds complicated and it probably is in biochemical terms, but the upshot is that if you are over weight and manage to lose weight and keep it off, eventually your body will recalibrate and keep slimmer. Of course there are other mechanism waiting in the wings to make you gain again. Genes play a role as does the psychological aspects of weight gain. Even so, think good thoughts. Research, yes the scientific research that the conservatives think is crap, is on your side. In the mean time, eat less, exercise and see your doctor. Oops, that line is probably plagiarized from somewhere. Sorry. Here is the link to the study:
http://www.sciencenews.org/view/generic/id/45912/title/Allergy_meds_slim_down_obese_mice
http://www.sciencenews.org/view/generic/id/45912/title/Allergy_meds_slim_down_obese_mice
Monday, July 27, 2009
human learning and why online computer based instruction is wrong for many.
OK, so I am an old fashioned guy. But keep in mind that I am "tech aware", so don't have a built in bias in using technology for teaching and learning.
But lets face it guys, there is something wrong with our whole approach to teaching and learning when distance education and on line courses take over.
Lets start with the human race at about 5 million years ago. From then to about 200 years ago almost EVERYTHING anyone learned was directly from someone. Granted writing (5000 years ago + or -) allowed some self-instruction, but not by many. Learning was done at the side of a parent, sibling, relative or master. (not sexist here, please) Boys became men by being with men (hunting) and girls became woman by being with women (gathering). Our ancestors learned everything from someone directly. So (here comes the "E" word) we evolved a brain that was especially suited to one-on-one teaching/learning. We saw, heard, touched, smelled and tasted our way into knowledge. OMG!! that sounds like multisensorial learning.
So, for 5 million years our system of learning and teaching depended on each other in close contact. Where the hell does on line computer based non multisensorial learning fit that picture? It doesn't. Sure it works for some people for some things some times but at what cost? The world of on line education sets up "communities" and "chats" and "face time via web cam" and other pseudo-social melieus. Where does that leave the human brain that craves real contact? Out in the cold, that's where. The concept that we can all learn more better faster from computers/embedded humans I think is deeply flawed.
I remember when a degree from NOVA was a joke. Now you can get a PhD (or ABD if you are really smart) on line and never touch a human being. And people take them seriously. Sure, distance ed has a role to play, and serves a central purpose of getting more learning to more people faster and cheaper. But for god's sake, 50 years ago Florida and Virginia began community colleges so no citizen would be more that 50 miles from a school. They were up close and personal. And they worked. They had academic and trade programs and remedial education for the under prepared. Now they are being moved into on line programs in order to compete and keep the bottom line going black.
How the hell will someone that failed to learn to read in K-12 learn to read on line? In their leaky double wide? With not enough food? (Never mind the staggering poverty of millions of aboriginal Americans and many of the rest of us).
Folks, we have lost our focus and our souls (from Search?). While we move into the e-sphere we lose our humanity and many of our brothers and sisters too. Eradicate poverty? Never happen. Eradicate disease? Never happen. Eradicate ignorance? Never happen. Eradicate politicians? Never happen. Eradicate the human race? A real possibility.
Food for thought. Comments?
But lets face it guys, there is something wrong with our whole approach to teaching and learning when distance education and on line courses take over.
Lets start with the human race at about 5 million years ago. From then to about 200 years ago almost EVERYTHING anyone learned was directly from someone. Granted writing (5000 years ago + or -) allowed some self-instruction, but not by many. Learning was done at the side of a parent, sibling, relative or master. (not sexist here, please) Boys became men by being with men (hunting) and girls became woman by being with women (gathering). Our ancestors learned everything from someone directly. So (here comes the "E" word) we evolved a brain that was especially suited to one-on-one teaching/learning. We saw, heard, touched, smelled and tasted our way into knowledge. OMG!! that sounds like multisensorial learning.
So, for 5 million years our system of learning and teaching depended on each other in close contact. Where the hell does on line computer based non multisensorial learning fit that picture? It doesn't. Sure it works for some people for some things some times but at what cost? The world of on line education sets up "communities" and "chats" and "face time via web cam" and other pseudo-social melieus. Where does that leave the human brain that craves real contact? Out in the cold, that's where. The concept that we can all learn more better faster from computers/embedded humans I think is deeply flawed.
I remember when a degree from NOVA was a joke. Now you can get a PhD (or ABD if you are really smart) on line and never touch a human being. And people take them seriously. Sure, distance ed has a role to play, and serves a central purpose of getting more learning to more people faster and cheaper. But for god's sake, 50 years ago Florida and Virginia began community colleges so no citizen would be more that 50 miles from a school. They were up close and personal. And they worked. They had academic and trade programs and remedial education for the under prepared. Now they are being moved into on line programs in order to compete and keep the bottom line going black.
How the hell will someone that failed to learn to read in K-12 learn to read on line? In their leaky double wide? With not enough food? (Never mind the staggering poverty of millions of aboriginal Americans and many of the rest of us).
Folks, we have lost our focus and our souls (from Search?). While we move into the e-sphere we lose our humanity and many of our brothers and sisters too. Eradicate poverty? Never happen. Eradicate disease? Never happen. Eradicate ignorance? Never happen. Eradicate politicians? Never happen. Eradicate the human race? A real possibility.
Food for thought. Comments?
Back with a vengence
Boy, there are so many things to talk about I don't know where to start. The trip to the keys was good despite the leaking boat. No, I haven't found the leak so depended on the bilge pump to keep us afloat. Worked too. I have to keep a list of things to comment on in the future so I can remember them. Some things are too sensitive to write about, even in this medium. Suffice it to say that I have now ID'ed another gutless backstabbing prick and can't do anything about it. It really pisses me off. 'Nuff said.
The world survived the last week, although I did run into a conservative in the Keys who told me that I was the "first person he talked to that believed that global climate change was real". I told him he had to many conservatives running in his pack and he agreed. This guy has $$ and some influence. Wonder why the world is screwed? Many people are brainless morons, maybe even a majority, so we all go down. This guy is planning on his grand kids having a grand future in a wonderful world. The only thing is he is 76 and will die before the shit hits the fan. Poor deluded guy.
TU is on the move again. Growing programs like crazy and getting farther from the core values established years ago by a dedicated group of faculty, staff and admin. What ever happened to the student centered small class personal contact caring place pull together TU? On line courses without much personal touch, science courses with little concern for hands on labs, the student center gutted (yes, this began years ago when the recreation room was co-opted for a class room and continues today) and a potential "re-Christianizing" of a once secular (after a PB start) institution.
On to the the next topic "human learning and why online computer based instruction is wrong for many".
The world survived the last week, although I did run into a conservative in the Keys who told me that I was the "first person he talked to that believed that global climate change was real". I told him he had to many conservatives running in his pack and he agreed. This guy has $$ and some influence. Wonder why the world is screwed? Many people are brainless morons, maybe even a majority, so we all go down. This guy is planning on his grand kids having a grand future in a wonderful world. The only thing is he is 76 and will die before the shit hits the fan. Poor deluded guy.
TU is on the move again. Growing programs like crazy and getting farther from the core values established years ago by a dedicated group of faculty, staff and admin. What ever happened to the student centered small class personal contact caring place pull together TU? On line courses without much personal touch, science courses with little concern for hands on labs, the student center gutted (yes, this began years ago when the recreation room was co-opted for a class room and continues today) and a potential "re-Christianizing" of a once secular (after a PB start) institution.
On to the the next topic "human learning and why online computer based instruction is wrong for many".